


Just wanting (for it to end) has (too many) consequences.

by arfrid



Series: A deathbed, a friend, the good, the end. [2]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Maxine "Max" Mayfield Needs a Hug, POV Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Sad Ending, So much angst, Suicidal Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Suicidal Thoughts, Trigger Warnings!, give this girl many hugs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arfrid/pseuds/arfrid
Summary: “M-Max, get away from the edge.”She stood there, watching the stars, so very tempted to just walk off the edge.Maybe it would be for the best. She wouldn’t know. But she wouldn’t want to leave.Back in Cali, then she would have definitely done so without hesitation.It doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to end. She wants it to. It would be so easy. One more step, and it would all be over.[SEQUEL TO: "If you killed yourself, a stranger would cry" BUT IT IS NOT NECESARY TO READ IT]
Relationships: Maxine "Max" Mayfield & Mike Wheeler, Maxine "Max" Mayfield/Lucas Sinclair, Steve Harrington & Maxine "Max" Mayfield
Series: A deathbed, a friend, the good, the end. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897063
Comments: 5
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

Max sits on the edge of the Harrington roof. Steve is downstairs cooking and everyone else is laughing and having fun. She just wasn’t. She hasn’t been since the fourth of July.

She steps forward ever so slightly.

She thinks about what would happen if she would walk off the roof right then and there.

She wouldn’t actually mind dying.

If that’s what it takes to stop the guilt that was feeding on her.

She looked down, over the edge and smiles at the roses blossoming, perfectly evened between each other. She wondered if she died, if she would come back as a rose.

She stood there, watching the stars, so very tempted to just walk off.

To avoid all the pain. Confrontation. To avoid her angry step-father. She just wants it to end.

Maybe it would be for the best. She wouldn’t know. But she wouldn’t want to leave.

Back in Cali, if she’d handled it alone, then she would have definitely done without hesitation.

But now, she’s got friends who would care about her, and she cares more about them than her own safety.

She’s passed the anger, guilt, sadness, and now she’s just numb.

It doesn’t feel like it’s ever going to end. She wants it to. It would be so easy. One more step, and it would all be over.

“How the hell did she—I swear she has superpowers…” She heard a mutter. She turned to see Steve climbing up on top of the house. No-one was following him, so he must have left the rest downstairs to their own devices.

“Max!” He says cheerfully. She doesn’t turn or say anything, looking down. His voice is more subdued and concerned when he calls her name again, “Max?”

Max doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t feel the need to. If she fell, it would, at the least, hurt her a lot.

“Yeah, Steve?” She says, unmoving.

“What’re you doing up here? We’re missing you down here.” He tells her. Her mouth twitches upward ever so slightly. Of course they are.

“Nothing, just looking around.” She lies easily. It’s too easy to lie, since they all want to believe she’s alright.

“Come down here, then.” When she doesn’t move, his voice starts to shake when he calls out her name once more. “Max…?”

Max turns around, facing him. Steve is now looking much more worried than she’s ever seen.

“M-Max, get away from the edge.”

“…” She says.

“Max, I’m serious, get away from the edge!”

She doesn’t say anything, and turns back round to look down at the ground. She wants to lie down there, but she doesn’t want to walk. Only one way down.

She hears Steve approach her quickly, and he almost grabs her arm. She turns around so quickly, too quickly.

She almost loses her balance.

She’s surprised to feel tears in her eyes. She doesn’t feel sad, or scared. In fact, she doesn’t feel anything. It’s better this way. It’s her poison but it’s also her medicine. She doesn’t have to think about how Billy dying was all her fault. Or how she gets abused at home.

“I want it to end.” She tells him. His eyes are no longer worried. She sees pure fear in them.

“Max, please, just step away from the edge.” He tells her. Max puts her left foot back slightly just to see how much space is left between her and the edge.

“What’s taking so long?” Comes Mike’s annoyed voice as he also climbs up with more ease than Steve, and he freezes as he reaches the top.

“What is it?” Comes El’s voice from below.

Mike starts trembling, and he says hoarsely. “Max, step away from the edge…”

Immediately, there are shouts from beneath, telling her to not do that. She doesn’t like the noise.

_She just wants it to end._

She looks back down into the garden. She looks back at Steve. She looks over at Mike, trembling and they’re both telling her carefully and slowly to get off the edge. They’re getting closer, and shit, she just wants to go home.

_She just wants it to end._

Lucas’ shouts are desperate. He’s started crying. Max didn’t know how, but she’s started crying too.

“Max, don’t do it! Please, MADMAX!”

_She just wants it to end._

She glances at the edge one last time before taking one last step backwards.

_She just wants it to end._

The last thing she sees is Steve, Lucas and Mike screaming her name before everything goes black.

_She just wants it to end._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month since Max attempted to take her own life, and Mike finally gets his head out of his ass and apologizes.
> 
> Prompt: "Just admit it: everybody would’ve been better off if I had died that day, including you.”
> 
> TW: Referenced Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mike you bastard finally
> 
> Repeating the Trigger Warnings: Referenced Suicide Attempt, Suicidal Thoughts.

Being cared for was so, _so_ annoying.

At least, in Max’s opinion it was.

Everyone used excuses to follow her around; whether it was going home or even going to the bathroom (only El was allowed to follow her on that one). 

She went to a therapist every other day, Sam Owens being said therapist.

What she hated most was that she was treated like glass, like she would break with the slightest touch. The only one who didn’t treat her like so was Will, who, she guessed, had been through something similar after the Upside Down shit.

Neil didn’t speak to her, but occasionally made remarks when he thought she wasn’t listening, “What’s she gonna do, jump off a building? She doesn’t need a caretaker, Susan.” or, “You keep that fucking girl and her grades under control or I’m gonna throw her off a building myself.”

But she acted like normal, but couldn’t help looking up at a high building slightly longingly, ensuring that she was dragged into therapy or to a friend’s house.

This time, she was at the Wheeler House, in the basement. Paper skidded over the floor. “Ugh, this Math is  gonna be the death of me!”

Everyone looked up.

Dustin scoffed lightly, “Oh, come  _on_ . It isn’t  _that_ bad.”

“Yes, it is.” Max, El and Will said in unison, then burst out laughing. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she _did_ like hanging out with these goofuses.

Anxiety interrupted her train of thought.  _What if they just want me here to make them laugh? What if they wanted me to die? What if they’re just faking it, and they’ll leave? What if they think I’m mad? They fucking think I’m crazy-_

“Max.” Mike said firmly. The laughing had died down. Max realized she had been so close to hyperventilating, on the brink of a panic attack. She shook her head and returned to her math equations.

“ _Max_.” Mike repeated. “Max!”

“What, Wheeler?” She snapped, wheeling (ha, _wheeling_ ) round to face him. “I’m fine.”

Everyone else exchanged glances. Fuck, she hated feeling like such a goddamn freak. She sighed and got up.

“I’m going to get some fresh air.” She said, with a pointed glare at Mike. He didn’t say anything, merely staring at her. Ugh. Why did people have to care, again?

She walked upstairs, ignoring the cautious glance Nancy sent her way. Stepping outside, the rows of houses in front of her, with the night sky being illuminated by the lights of the house. She took a deep breath of air through her nose, before hearing the sound of footsteps. Shit, she hoped it was Nancy , or El,  or literally  _anyone_ else but Mike . She could  _not_ deal with Mike’s stupid  _smugness_ right now.

“Max.” Fuck. With her luck it was the stupidest, most smug idiot she had met since Billy Hargrove.

_ Billy. _

Max felt tears sting at her eyes.  _Not now,_ she willed,  _please not now_ .

“ _ **I’m Sorry.” Max was holding Billy’s body, and then El was holding Max, and suddenly the Byers were announcing that they were thinking of moving away and Max couldn’t breathe.**_

Mike shook her. “Earth to Max?”

“Fuck off, Wheeler.” 

The taller boy snorted. “Glad to see your personality hasn’t changed. Come back in.”

She didn’t respond, looking at the other rich-people houses of the neighborhood. What she would do to be on the roof of one right now…

“Max, come on. Don’t be a bitch.” Max flinched, and Mike winced, seemingly regretting his words. “I’m sorry. It just, slipped out. I didn’t mean it, come-”

“Yeah, you did.” Max retorted. Mike stopped in his tracks. It started to rain. Fucking great.

“Max, I couldn’t- _wouldn’t_ say that to you.” Mike assured her. “Come on, come back inside, it’s starting to rain.”

“You were practically saying that when I first met.” Max ignored his comment. “What happened to, _‘You can’t join the party because you’re annoying’_ or- or-”

“You think I’m not- You think I don’t regret it?!” Mike demanded. Max flinched and took a step back, going further in the rain. 

“I don’t know- I mean you act don’t-!” Max said, tears threatening to fall.

“Just cause I act one way doesn’t necessarily mean I think that way!” Mike said. It was starting to thunder now, and it timed perfectly after he said it. 

“It would be easy to act like it!” Max snapped. “I feel like you only pretend to care about me for Eleven.”

“That’s not fucking true!” Mike shouted, raising his voice. “Just come back in, it would be easy--”

“Easy? Fucking easy, isn’t it, Wheeler? Not everyone has bags of money, you know? All you have to do is say your last name and boom, they’ll do anything for you!”

“That’s not true! The last time I got pocket money was-”

“This isn’t about your fucking pocket money, Wheeler! I don’t care about that. Just admit it. ADMIT IT!” She screamed.

“Admit _what_?” Mike yelled back.

Max’s voice was dangerously low, almost lost in the wind. “ Just admit it: everybody would’ve been better off if I had died that day, including you.”

There was silence. Stunned, tense, disbelieving – Max didn’t know. All she knew was that maybe she had struck too far. Maybe she should just leave and jump off the Quarry before things got worse.

Then Mike did something incredible, something so un-Mike that she had never even dreamed that it would happen one day, maybe only if the world was ending.

Michael Wheeler hugged her, keeping her close.

“I’m sorry I treated you like that. I never should have blamed, and insulted and just been a real dick to you for something you didn’t even know about. I’m like Billy in that way, and I know that can’t have been easy on you. Then after, when you were actually showing El things – things without boys – I was… jealous, and hurt, and I just… didn’t like it. I was selfish and wanted her to myself, and I didn’t recognize that other people liked her too… Hopper, you, everyone. I was unfair and a dick, and… I’m sorry.”

Max was so stunned by what she heard, that she didn’t even register the tears running down her face. She found she didn’t care that she was crying in front of Mike Wheeler, or even the fact that her hair was starting to soak from the rain. She hugged him back, grasping on his jacket, cherishing this moment, this apology, and keeping it burned in her mind forever.

It was a few minutes before her tears were finally dry, and she let out a shuddering sigh, still hugging Mike. 

She whispered two words:

“ _Thank you.”_


End file.
